“A part of me wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do that.” We’re all made up of these different parts. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Below I’ll describe some of the main concepts of IFS. To learn more about Contemplative IFS, my approach that integrates the wisdom of contemplative spirituality with IFS, click here.

But, before this starts sounding too philosophical, let’s take a lighter look at three humorous videos that illustrate what I’m talking about.

The animated movie Inside Out provides a great depiction of some of the parts inside of us and how they are connected to our memories. Check out the trailer:

Meet Susan and her many parts around the board room table in this Zillow commercial:

Here’s another illustration from the short film, Woman of a Certain Age by Kate Dearing. It’s a bit sassier as young adult Kate confronts parts of herself at different ages – impulsive child, rebellious teenager, and even wise older woman. Kate negotiates with these parts, sort of like you will learn to do in IFS.

Now that you’ve got the idea, here’s a more formal overview of
Internal Family Systems (IFS)

As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body,
though many, are one body, so also Christ
– 1 Corinthians: 12

“A part of me wants to do this. A part of me wants to do that.” We use language like this all the time. Paul referred to our many parts in Corinthians, sometimes even flustered when not knowing why a part of him did something that he did not want to do.

In the world of Internal Family Systems (IFS), we believe that everyone contains many parts which interact with one another in a dynamic system. Just like in a family where each person plays their role, our internal family of parts plays their roles in relating to one another.  Let’s talk about the members of the internal family.

Self

At the core of the person is the Self. It is not a part; rather it is the deepest essence of who you are. The qualities of Self-energy are represented by the 8 C’s – calmness, curiosity, compassion, confidence, clarity, creativity, connectedness, and courage. The Self can never be damaged, no matter what you have been through in life.

Spiritual IFS writers refer to the Self as the Imago Dei or Spirit-led Self. It is the place within where we encounter the divine. In Ignatian terms, when we are in Self, we experience consolation. Being in Self-energy is also the doorway to receiving the Fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Parts

Exiles

Exiles are young, vulnerable parts that carry emotional burdens. They have been rejected or traumatized, holding onto deep wounds and painful memories filled with terror, pain, or shame.   They are often frozen in time, hiding for protection, yet can become desperate to express themselves.

Two Protector Parts: Managers and Firefighters

Managers

Managers run our daily life. They work to keep the person feeling secure by preventing the feelings of vulnerability or pain of the exiles. They carry huge burdens of responsibility and strive to control other persons, events, or parts. Typical roles of manager parts are controlling, judging, analyzing, planning, caretaking, criticizing, and avoiding.

Firefighters

Firefighters work to extinguish the pain from other parts, especially the more vulnerable exiles. They act swiftly, powerfully, and often impulsively. Typical firefighter traits include addictive behaviors, rage, dissociation, or suicidality.

Healing in IFS

When parts become overburdened, the system can get out of balance and we experience distress. Spiritually this can be a time of desolation. Managers trying their best to run the show start to experience anxiety or depression as their usual modus operandi no longer works. Acting out firefighters come in to quell the discomfort but leave heavy damage in their wake. Conscious or unconscious, the pain of exiles is breaking through.  All of this makes it very challenging for the person to connect with Self energy.

We believe that everyone has the capacity within their Self to bring healing to our burdened and weary parts. Unlike other approaches or even what some of our parts want, the goal is not to try to get rid of any parts. All parts are welcome. This might sound paradoxical. Wait a minute, don’t I want to get rid of parts that are anxious, angry or suicidal? Actually, no. The more you try to get rid of them, the more they push for expression and the worse you feel.

All parts are good, although sometimes they can get trapped in difficult roles (like feeling anxious, angry, or even suicidal). The work in IFS is fostering the Self to part relationship that allows protector parts to ease back and feel unburdened. Protector parts may then take on new roles, e.g., the angry part becomes assertive. When protector parts step back, vulnerable exiles can be more safely encountered and offered an opportunity for healing.

The Healing Process

The process in IFS invites you to go inside and become aware of the parts showing up for you. Closing your eyes may promote a greater focus when you do this as it does with many mindfulness practices. Your first find this part in your body; often there is an image of this part that comes into your mind. Then you focus on this part, fleshing out what it wants you to know, listening with curiosity and compassion.

Just like befriending a person, when you then befriend a part – offering it validation, empathy, appreciation – it will ease back and calm. For spiritual or religious persons, this is where inviting Christ (or other spiritual figure) into the process can deepen the experience. For example, imagining Christ encountering the part with a love beyond what we might humanly imagine.

As the part calms, we can then explore its fears and address them, e.g., What is the part afraid would happen if it didn’t perform its role?  Often these fears are around re-experiencing the pain of an exile. With Self-energy leading the way, we then can offer the possibility of healing the exile. This will be a process of being with the exile, witnessing any memories it wishes to have seen, and offering it a pathway to unburdening.  

Now if you want to hear it from the expert, Here’s an overview of IFS presented by the founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz:

Recommended Books:

• No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz
• Altogether You by Jenna Riemersma, LPC
• Boundaries for Your Soul by Alison Cook, Ph.D. & Kimberly Miller, MTh., LMFT