“It’s all about the twelfth step.”

I had the great fortune recently of meeting a young engaged couple, each of whom was active in a 12-step program.  The groom-to-be who I’ll call Jason said he figured out what made the program work.  “It’s all about the twelfth step –  being of service, giving back in gratitude for what you’ve been given.  It gets you out of your own head and keeps you focused on what’s important.”

We talked about that as a great model for their marriage too.  “Marriage is not 50-50,” I told them.  “Divorce is 50-50.  Marriage is 100-100.  Each person 100% committed to being of service to their spouse.”  They liked that idea.

I went on to say, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety.  It’s connection.”  When I said this, they nodded in agreement.  Not because they had heard it before, but because they lived it – through the fellowship of their program and their commitment to one another.  Two cornerstones of their recovery, that along with their faith, had them strengthened for the journey of marriage.

Today is Valentine’s Day.  Many people have become turned off by its commercialism and choose not to celebrate it.  I don’t think this is the answer.  Valentine’s Day is about love.  Love is not meant to be kept hidden; it’s meant to be shared abundantly.  So, let’s follow Jason’s lead:

“It’s all about the twelfth step.”

Bring an attitude of gratitude and service and celebrate the real meaning of the day.  Here’s three simple ways how you can do that to show your love – be it with your honey, or with a friend:

1. Follow the Platinum Rule. We all know the Golden Rule about doing unto others as we would have done unto us.  The Platinum Rule takes it a step further:  Give to others what they would have given to them.  Consider what the other person would like or want and give it.

2. Give an experience gift. Do we really need more stuff?  Share an experience together.  It brings the spirit of love alive, builds connection and creates memories.  Not to mention it’s just plain fun!

3. Connect with the Deeper Meaning & Purpose. Consider what is at the core of the relationship and find a way to express it.  For Jason and his fiancé, it was through sharing their spiritual journey in their 12-step programs.  For others it may be through faith or connection with nature.  Seek out that sacred space and honor it.

As you go forth today, remember “It’s all about the twelfth step.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

In Gratitude & Service,
Michael