Would Pope Francis make a good marriage therapist?    Let’s look at a few of the takeaways from his most recent work, “The Joy of Love” which reflects upon on marriage and family.

At the outset it must be recognized that what makes Francis so incredibly popular among both Catholics and non-Catholics alike is that he’s changed the conversation on just about everything.  Without changing a single doctrine of church teaching, he’s changed the tone of the conversation.   Rather than emphasizing the rules, he’s focusing on how we approach we one another.  Mercy replaces judgment.  Compassion replaces condemnation.  Care replaces indifference.  And words of welcome replace walls of division.  How does he bring this to marriage?

First, Francis provides an inspiring vision that is more mystical than moral.  He invites couples to “value the gifts of marriage and family, and persevere in a love strengthened by the virtues of generosity, commitment, fidelity and patience.”  Reflecting upon the ever popular “Love is…” passage from first Corinthians, he proclaims that the grace of marriage is “intended before all else to perfect the couple’s love.”

Second, this vision is not what I call the daisies and rainbows version of love – a fluffy imagery dystonic to the real life experience of couples in today’s world.  Francis acknowledges that too often the church has promoted an “artificial theological ideal of marriage” which can be a “tremendous burden” to couples.  Cognizant of our cultural anxiety, he notes how the “frenetic pace… and workplace pressures can create problems,” that we “take refuge in gadgets” or in the “embrace of another” to flee what sadly can become an “uncomfortable closeness” in a marriage.  His words convey the message of mercy – meeting you right where you’re at with full acceptance.

Third, with that attitude of mercy he challenges couples to embrace the struggle to achieve the great joy of love.  Realizing that “all of us are a complex mixture of light and shadows,” he reminds us that marriage is a “dynamic process” where couples work together to bring healing to past wounds and grow toward greater maturity.  In taking on this work, marriage becomes a “kind of salvation history,” growing over time into something “precious and enduring.”

Hmmm….  If I could get all couples to treat each other with mercy and compassion, share a joyous vision for their marriage, fully accept one another where they’re at and see their work as a journey of healing and salvation…. that would be amazing.

So would Pope Francis make a good marriage therapist?… I’ll leave that to your imagination, but I will say that he inspires me to be a better one.

Dr. DiPaolo will speak more about “The Joy of Love & Marriage” at  Archdiocese of Los Angeles Religious Education Congress in Anaheim, CA.  The Congress is the largest gathering of Catholics with over 40,000 attendees.  It will be held on Feb. 24-26.  Dr. DiPaolo will present Workshop 6-08, Saturday afternoon, 3:00-4:30.  See www.recongress.org for more information and to register.